


Bella Swan and The Refusal to Follow the Plot

by Negima



Series: Nobody Gives A Fuck [2]
Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types
Genre: Cannon does not Exist, Crack, F/F, F/M, It never did, There will be NO EDBELLA IN MY HOUSE
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-03
Updated: 2020-11-03
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:00:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27363895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Negima/pseuds/Negima
Summary: A lesbian becomes Bella Swan and decides to fuck shit up. She's still going to be good friends with the Cullens butshe is NOT falling in love with Eddy boy.All in all, CrackSHE IS ALSO HEAD OVER HEELS FOR ALICEGayAs all things should be
Relationships: Alice Cullen/Bella Swan, Alice Cullen/Jasper Hale, Carlisle Cullen/Esme Cullen, Emmett Cullen/Rosalie Hale
Series: Nobody Gives A Fuck [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1987828
Comments: 11
Kudos: 75





	Bella Swan and The Refusal to Follow the Plot

“Bella you don’t have to go” 

Oh PLEASE Renee, I am not letting this fucking opportunity go. Seriously, I have to baby you all the fucking time and I’m fucking tired of it. Go and have a fucking vacation with your husband. Quite frankly what you do to me borders on Emotional Abuse. Please just let me go, Renee. I really don’t know how the fuck I dealt with you before you fucking- 

Instead of voicing those thoughts, Bella chose to instead smile and answer that, yes, she did want to finally meet her father. The curses towards Renee were kept silent of course. 

Alright, so let’s recap, she thought as she got on the plane, long story cut really short, I have regained my memories of my past life, I am apparently in Twilight, and the original ‘me’ was a fucking bitch without a backbone. 

Also, I don’t remember Twilight all that much. I just like every character other than Edward. Also, I’m gay and touch-starved. And when I mean touch-starved, I mean that touching hands makes me happy for a fucking week. I haven’t had a hug in years. Help me. 

Bella was snapped out of her thoughts by realizing that the plane had landed. How had it happened so fast? She didn’t know, time was a social construct. 

“Hey Bella!” 

Charlie called to her. 

Ah yes Charlie. The really underrated character that almost everyone in the Fandom loves except for the one scene where Jacob- no, Jacob was our nice, soft little wolfy boi, Jackass assaults Bella and Charlie laughs at it. 

“Hey Charlie” 

“Oh... You don’t- I- What are your interests?” 

“Well, I like to paint a bit, not much though, I like music, I like rain. I hate sunshine. And I like computers. Also, it’s gonna take a bit for me to be able to call you ‘Dad’ again, sorry” 

“Oh it’s alright Kiddo. Uh, do you watch Sports?” 

“Depends, which Sport are you thinking of?” 

“Um, Football. Or Soccer, or whatever people like to call it” 

“Well I don’t watch it but I’ve always wanted to learn. It’d be nice if you could tell me what the referee actually means and certain terms” 

“Oh Great! Also, I’ve got a surprise for you when I get home” 

“Really? Awesome. Also quick question, can I make my room, like ‘mine’? Like can I decorate it and if I want, I can change the paint or...?” 

“Oh, of course! Feel free to! I’d actually want you to do that, if it helps you feel more comfortable” 

“Awesome Charlie” 

“Well, here we are. And here’s your surprise!” 

“Oh my god it’s a truck, thank you so very much. How did you know?” 

“Well, it’s a bit cheap but it works fine and it’s okay if you don’t like- wait what?” 

“Charlie, I don’t know if you know this but I love old things. I love things that are breaking down, I love things that are old, I love things that are the end of their lives. I love them because I love fixing them” 

“...Really?” 

“Yes! It’s so satisfying to get something and then to study and work hard on how to fix it for fun and to then look at it like a week later and go ‘I did that!’ Than you so much! I am going to have so much fun with this! I’ve always wanted to learn cars and how they work and the mechanics and- Just thank you.” 

“Well I’m glad you like it. And I look forward to seeing you fix it” 

“Charlie!” 

“Billy!” 

“Bella this is Billy and this is Jacob, you might remember each other” 

“Well, I only have faint memories but I am sure we’ll get along” 

“Hey, Bella. To be honest the only thing I really remember is making mud pies with you when we were young. About us being together- in our childhood of course. I haven’t forgotten my memory- you know?” 

“Jacob, I have a feeling we’ll get along quite well, but first you must promise something to me” 

“Sure!” 

“Always be baby” 

“Wha- What?” 

“You are awesome just the way you are please don’t ever change. I don’t my friend to change!” 

“Don’t worry Bella! Besides what could happen!” 

Well you could get roped into supernatural bullshit and become a wolf shifter and join a pack of jerk dudebros but Bella decided no to voice that out loud. 

“Bella, you should just stay in for today. You have to go to school tomorrow, after all” 

“Right, I forgot about that! Hey Jacob can I have your number? We can message each other.” 

“Of course! Here my number is....” 

........................................................................................................................................................................ 

“Ugh... What’s the time?” 

She had woken up at around 5 am. Bella got up and got changed into some simple clothes. Some jeans and a shirt with a jacket on top. She really needed to get new clothes, Bella’s wardrobe was dreadful. 

She walked downstairs and was surprised to see Charlie at the dinner table, already drinking a cup of coffee. He was surprised to see her as well. 

“Bella, why are you awake at this time? Is something wrong? Did you not sleep well?” 

“I’m fine Charlie. I usually wake up around this time.” 

“I see. Well, School doesn’t start till 8. Do you want to walk to school or drive the truck?” 

“I’m gonna walk, I need to familiarize myself with my town. Thanks” 

“For what?” 

“For asking” 

She said as she walked out of the house. The front door closing behind her. School probably hadn’t even opened yet but she wanted to find a comfort place. Even back in Phoenix, she’d found a little area that no one ever went. It was her own little comfort area. She wanted to find another one in Forks. After all it was surrounded by forests and the Cullens wouldn’t have explored EVERY inch of it, right? 

She started walking and after a while, checked to see that no one was nearby and ducked into the forest. She went off the trail almost immediately, walking in the direction Charlie had told her to go to find the school the previous day. 

She was surprised to see plenty of wildlife in the area. It wasn’t over-populated nor was it under-populated. The Cullens had successfully integrated themselves into the ecosystem here. Considering that they were probably feared by all the carnivorous animals then the herbivorous animals must have flocked near their house. From what she recalled from the books, they almost always hunted large prey. So if she started seeing rabbits then she was going in the wrong direction. 

She found an area almost immediately, it had some small wildlife but nothing too dangerous. There were some snakes around but none of them seemed poisonous (she had made to check the dangerous wildlife in the area, she wasn’t idiotic). 

It was pretty nice, a small little cave hidden by vines and moss, inside it was pretty clean, some birds in the little holes in the cave and the cave had a passage that went downwards but she would explore that later. 

She just hoped that the Cullens hadn’t found this place before her. It wouldn’t be ‘safe’ if she had vampires creeping over her every time she was here, would it? 

**_*_ ** **_Bzzt_ ** **_*_ **

Oh, it seemed it was time for her to head out. The school was starting soon. 

........................................................................................................................................................................ 

The chatter was fucking annoying. Information really did spread like wildfire here. It was so annoying. People always staring and gossiping about your backstory, like find something better to do, do none of you have a life? 

Anyways, she had met Angela, girl was as sweet as the books described and as of current she was being led to where Jessica, Mike (she wasn’t sure what his name was) and the others. She didn’t remember the others. 

“Oh, hi Angela! Who’s this?” 

Jessica asked, looking Bella over curiously, The infamous Bella Swan, she’d heard a lot about her. 

“Hi, I’m Bella Swan, nice to meet you,….?” 

Bella paused for Jessica’s input. She knew her name of course but better to not be weird. 

“Jessica, Jessica Stanley but you can just call me Jess” 

Jessica smiled at Bella. The newcomer seemed nice. 

“Well Jess I would love to let you call me by a nickname but unfortunately my name is too short for one” 

Bella joked. 

“Well, that’s no problem, It would be pretty annoying to keep being called ‘Bells’ wouldn’t it?” 

“Right?” 

Bella smiled, raising her eyebrows. Now Jess knew what she was talking about. She seemed nice. A lot nicer than how the Books and Movies portrayed her. 

“Anyways, please do sit down, I have a feeling we’re going to get along pretty well. Now, before anything else, this is MIke and you probably already know Angela” 

“Nice to meet you all” 

“Also, I’m gonna need to- Here they are. Those are the Cullens, they’re all really pretty, they’re all foster siblings and they’re all dating each other. Weird, right?” 

Jessica said as she pointed to the Cullens from where they were entering the cafeteria. They all made a face at Jessica’s comment and Rosalie sent Jessica a death glare. How had no one figured out they weren’t human yet. A normal human can’t hear something so small when compared to the cafetaria’s chatter. 

“Well, it depends, were they raised together?” 

Bella asked, knowing the answer 

“No, I don’t think so?” 

Jessica sounded unsure. Because she was. She had heard that they’d met each other when they were all already teenagers. 

“Then it’s fine cause then they would have met each other as strangers but if they grew up thinking of each other as siblings and THEN started to date, it’d be incest” 

“Now that I think about you’re actually pretty right about that... Anyway, I'm gonna need your first impressions about the Cullens. Now, let’s start with Emmett, he’s dating Rosalie, what do you think of him?” 

Jessica said as she turned to Bella for input. 

“Ok, the guy looks like he could benchpress an elephant. Also for some reason, the vibes I’m getting from him are ‘Dork who loves games and jokes around but will learn human biology in a week just to figure out how to help his girlfriend deal with her period’ “ 

“Very specific but you nailed it. What about his girlfriend” 

Jessica pointed at Rosalie. The quick glare Rosalie sent Bella’s way went unnoticed by everyone other than her siblings. 

“She gives me the vibe of ‘someone who you could meet at an insanely first-class ball, talking with the president of our country but at the same time, someone who you could see at your local mechanics store buying stuff to personally upgrade her car’. Also if she actually knows car mechanics then I’m probably gonna ask her if she could help me figure out how to learn car mechanics“ 

“Again nailed it on the head. That is Jasper, he’s dating Alice, what do you think of them” 

“Ok, Jasper. Country Cowboy” 

“pfft. Oh my god, you’re right!” 

Jessica giggled. The muffled laughter from the Cullens table went unnoticed. This human was amusing. 

“Country cowboy all the way. I can just picture him with a cowboy hat on, cowboy boots, saying milady and stuff. Just Cowboy. Cowboy. Also, I think he might need some help, he looks like he’s in pain. Get the poor guy out of here, he looks like he’s suffering” 

“Alice, she... No offense to her but her hairstyle confuses me” 

“Right?!” 

Jessica raised her voice. Finally, someone agreed with her. 

“She gives me the vibes of bisexual but a lesbian. A straight lesbian. I don’t even know how that works but that’s what we’re going with. Anyway’s she looks like she’s into fashion and probably tells Jasper to wear better clothing at least once a week. I can’t figure more unfortunately” 

“Okay, now THAT is Edward Cullen. What do you think about him?” 

“...I- Is it just me or does he give emo angsty boy vibes to anyone else? Like he feels like he’s going through an emo phase but he hasn’t discovered any good emo bands yet cause he’s too good of a Christian boy to find any that suit his beliefs. Also I can not wait to introduce emo bands to him. He’s gonna freak” 

“Well, you’re going to have to talk to them for that” 

Jessica leaned on her right hand. 

“Eh, I will” 

“When?” 

“I don’t know, like if I meet them in the hall or class? Emmett’s seems the most approachable so I’m probably gonna talk to him. He’s seems like an interesting guy.” 

“Ok, but why are you going to befriend them, have you got a crush on one of them?” 

Angela said from the side, wiggling her eyebrows 

“No. Is it too much to want to talk to the mysterious kids in town and wanna go what they think. ...And to corrupt one of them by introducing him to emo bands?” 

“That’s your main purpose isn’t it?” 

Jessica raised her eyebrows knowingly 

“Yes? No? Maybe?” 

Bella shrugged her shoulders 

**_*RING*_ **

Anyway, Lunch is over. Which class do you have next?” 

“P.E.” 

Bella said, smug 

“Lucky you! I have chem” 

Jessica groaned 

“Yes Lucky me” 

........................................................................................................................................................................ 

P.E was boring, surprisingly so. She had worked out since she became ‘Bella’ but it was still surprising to see her progress. 

“Hey! Bella Swan right? Heard a lot about you” 

A voice interrupted her from her thoughts. She turned to see Emmett Cullen. He was smiling and jogging towards her at a bit too fast of a pace. 

“Hi, you are Emmett Cullen. From what I’ve heard you don’t talk to other people much, what’s the occasion?” 

She said as she glanced at his family who were sitting further away. They were all looking away from her, no doubt eavesdropping on the conversation. 

“Well, my family just wants to know what’s going on with the new girl in town. And we’re mostly treated like outcasts here so we just thought that since you’re an outcast too, maybe you’d wanna be friends?” 

“Oh yeah! I don’t know if you know this but I predicted your personality. I knew you wouldn't be as scary as everyone said” 

“Really, how’d you do that?” 

Emmett seemed to be going along with the ‘joke’. Great 

“Who knows maybe I'm blessed?” 

“What do you mean, what are you? From a line of seers?” 

“No! BUT my great-great-a lot of greats aunt's best friend used to be psychic. And rumour has it, she blessed her friend, aka my great aunt” 

“Is that so?” 

“Yup! Her name was Mary Alice something with a B. Mary Alice Brandon from what my mother told me. She was psychic!” 

“...Mary Alice Brandon, how did she die?” 

She could see the Cullens snap their heads to stare at her. Alice in particular tried to get and walk over to her before Jasper stopped her, whispering something in her ear. 

Emmett’s eyes raised in a flash of recognition. He tried to keep his cool but his tone was a bit frantic. 

“No one knows. She just disappeared from her mental ward one day. Spooky right?” 

“...Right. Hey here’s my number, I’m gonna go back to my family okay?” 

“Okay, also your number has 69? What a coincidence huh?” 

“Haha Yeah... Anyways, see you later Bella” 

“See you later too” 

**Author's Note:**

> It was Bella x rosalie before but I realised I was setting up a perfect Bella x alice story so...  
> HAVE SIME BELLICE  
> Jasper cools with it  
> Alice has TWO hands thank you very much


End file.
